Do's and Dont's of Disagreements with Your Fiance or Spouse

When it comes to disagreeing with your significant other, take into account there is a good way and a less than ideal way to deal with it. Whether you're engaged, newlywed, or married for several years, there is an art form to communication. So if a disagreement or argument is brewing follow some of these do's and dont's:

Do Listen- Regardless of what your significant other is telling you, hear him out. Give him the time and respect to share his thoughts with you. Also make sure to actively listen. Don't just be figuring out how you're going to reply afterwards.

Don't Be Judgmental- Even if you disagree with your spouse, don't laugh his ideas off. If you think it's silly or even impossible, keep it to yourself. Your spouse is sharing his thoughts and feelings with you, so be considerate of that. Figure out what part of his ideas you can support and discuss that first.

Do Take a Breather- If an argument is looming and you simply can't keep it together, excuse yourself to think things over. Find a place where you can calm down. Good communication doesn't work if you're angry. Once you cool down and feel level headed enough to have a low key conversation, go back and share your thoughts.

Don't Forget Your Body Language- What your body does is sometimes more important than what you say. If you're rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, or otherwise indicating your disinterest or unhappiness, you are subtly telling your spouse you don't like what he's saying. Pay attention to your body language and make sure it matches your words.

Do Use "I" Statements- I can't stress enough how important it is to speak from an "I" perspective, as opposed to a "you" perspective. "I'm feeling like I'm being misunderstood" comes across more effectively than "You don't understand me." It stems from your feelings and doesn't come from a place of blame. So practice your "I" statements.  

Don't Get Yourself Down- Disagreements are part of every relationship. If this is your first one, it's okay. It doesn't mean your relationship isn't a good one. You both have different thoughts and ideas. The more you practice some of these communication skills the better you get at listening and expressing yourself. And that is a valuable tool for many years to come.

Bridal Balance is an advice and motivational blog aimed at helping the bride-to-be reduce stress, build confidence and enjoy her engagement. It was founded by clinical social worker and certified professional life coach, Michal Caplan. Contact Bridal Balance to learn more about private coaching or for additional information.

Disclaimer: The information, advice, comments, and resources provided on this site are for general informational purposes only. It is not intended as therapeutic, legal, financial, or other personal advice. While all the information is written with good intention, personal situations vary and individuals are encouraged to seek out professional advice for specific situations. This site or the advice written within does not constitute therapy or counseling and will not be held liable for any financial, legal, personal or other losses occurred.

Wedding Planning Tip

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Posted on February 26, 2015 .

Bridal Balance is an advice and motivational blog aimed at helping the bride-to-be reduce stress, build confidence and enjoy her engagement. It was founded by clinical social worker and certified professional life coach, Michal Caplan. Contact Bridal Balance to learn more about private coaching or for additional information.

Disclaimer: The information, advice, comments, and resources provided on this site are for general informational purposes only. It is not intended as therapeutic, legal, financial, or other personal advice. While all the information is written with good intention, personal situations vary and individuals are encouraged to seek out professional advice for specific situations. This site or the advice written within does not constitute therapy or counseling and will not be held liable for any financial, legal, personal or other losses occurred.

Are You a Clutter Free Bride? Take the Quiz.

Planning a wedding takes a lot of time, effort, and hard work. It also takes good organizational skills. If you're feeling disorganized, you might not be managing your time or workload effectively. You might also be adding more stress to your already busy life. Answer the following questions honestly to see if clutter is getting in your way:

1) Do you clean your living space regularly to a standard you're happy with?

2) Do you routinely throw out or give away stuff you know you don't need (e.g., junk mail, old clothes, etc.)?

3) Do you go through your mail and messages daily, responding or eliminating accordingly? This includes snail mail, email, and phone messages.

4) Would you describe yourself as neat and organized?

5) Is your wedding workspace organized and clutter free?

6) Do you feel calm and stress free when you are at home in your current surroundings?

7) Do you try not to worry about things you can't control?

8) Would you say you're usually calm and have peace of mind?  

Okay. So how did you do? If you answered in the affirmative for most of the questions, congratulations! You are most likely a clutter-free bride. You feel neat and organized, which gives you a better sense of control when it comes to planning your wedding. You're most likely on top of your wedding correspondence and moving right along with your to-do list. You also don't let negativity or feelings of guilt clutter your mind with unnecessary tension. This all spells for a confident and happy bride.

If you answered negatively for most of the questions, you might be feeling like a frazzled bride. Maybe your house is a mess, you can't seem to find important papers or remember vendor appointments. You're feeling overwhelmed because everything around you seems to be piling up with no end in sight. You don't like being at home because it reminds you of how behind you are with your to-do-list. You may also be feeling stressed out and anxious, continuously worrying about your wedding plans and maybe even life in general. If this is you, find someone to help you get organized and in control or hire a wedding planner to do it all for you. The key is to start de-cluttering your life somewhere. Remember: it's okay to ask for help!  

If your answers were mixed with both yes's and no's, then you might be feeling cluttered in some areas of your life and content in other. Being able to identify the areas you're not feeling as control in gives you the opportunity to focus on it and hopefully improve. Don't go through your inbox daily? Start by taking 5 minutes each morning to read, respond, and delete. You get it done and move on. Or maybe you're organized, but have trouble worrying about things you can't control. If that's you, start incorporating meditation or affirmations into your daily routine, to see if it helps with unnecessary anxiety. It's probably most common for brides to fit in this category. And that's great because you know exactly what you need to work on to be a clutter-free bride!

Photo by Leah Moyers Photography at http://www.leahmoyers.com or on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/leahmoyersphotography and Twitter @LeahMoyersPhoto

 

Bridal Balance is an advice and motivational blog aimed at helping the bride-to-be reduce stress, build confidence and enjoy her engagement. It was founded by clinical social worker and certified professional life coach, Michal Caplan. Contact Bridal Balance to learn more about private coaching or for additional information.

Disclaimer: The information, advice, comments, and resources provided on this site are for general informational purposes only. It is not intended as therapeutic, legal, financial, or other personal advice. While all the information is written with good intention, personal situations vary and individuals are encouraged to seek out professional advice for specific situations. This site or the advice written within does not constitute therapy or counseling and will not be held liable for any financial, legal, personal or other losses occurred.

Monday Motivation

Posted on February 23, 2015 .

Bridal Balance is an advice and motivational blog aimed at helping the bride-to-be reduce stress, build confidence and enjoy her engagement. It was founded by clinical social worker and certified professional life coach, Michal Caplan. Contact Bridal Balance to learn more about private coaching or for additional information.

Disclaimer: The information, advice, comments, and resources provided on this site are for general informational purposes only. It is not intended as therapeutic, legal, financial, or other personal advice. While all the information is written with good intention, personal situations vary and individuals are encouraged to seek out professional advice for specific situations. This site or the advice written within does not constitute therapy or counseling and will not be held liable for any financial, legal, personal or other losses occurred.

The #1 Mistake Recently Married Couples Make

So earlier this week, I wrote about the #1 mistake of recently engaged couples. You can read that blog post here. It only seems fitting then to write about the #1 mistake newlyweds make. Much like engaged couples who sometimes let the wedding planning process take over the excitement of the engagement, so to newly married couples might let the "formula" of marriage take over the relationship piece.

Consider this. Before marriage and possibly living together, your relationship revolved around getting to know each other, dating, and enjoying each other's company. Sure you had some heart-to-hearts and challenges that you faced along the way, but for the most part your courtship was exciting and fun. Now that you've tied the knot, however, you may be inclined to focus your attentions more on duty rather than relationship. Maybe it's, "Honey, do this, honey do that" or constant talk about finances or family. But the shift has definitely moved from relationship growth to relationship responsibilities. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with having a set of responsibilities. In fact, it's important for keeping an organized and well run home. And you certainly can learn more about yourself and your spouse when it comes to dealing with household matters. But being a newlywed, means you're at a critical time to grow as a couple, so you must continue to date.

Many newly married couples start to get the blues because they jump from being engaged to being married, when in fact, it would be more beneficial to go from engaged to engaging marriage. Don't stop being engaged with each other as individuals and only focus on the couple. Continue going out, having date nights, and enjoying each other's company. The last thing you want to do is begin your new life together with a rote set of marriage rules. It takes the fun, desire, and excitement out of your relationship together.

There is a time for everything: serious conversations, household chores, and even the occasional argument. But as a newlywed, let the love, laughter, and positivity reign supreme. It will help strengthen your relationship with each other and your marriage in the years ahead.  

Photo by Hayes & Fisk Photography at www.hayesandfisk.com or on Facebook and Twitter @HayesandFisk

Bridal Balance is an advice and motivational blog aimed at helping the bride-to-be reduce stress, build confidence and enjoy her engagement. It was founded by clinical social worker and certified professional life coach, Michal Caplan. Contact Bridal Balance to learn more about private coaching or for additional information.

Disclaimer: The information, advice, comments, and resources provided on this site are for general informational purposes only. It is not intended as therapeutic, legal, financial, or other personal advice. While all the information is written with good intention, personal situations vary and individuals are encouraged to seek out professional advice for specific situations. This site or the advice written within does not constitute therapy or counseling and will not be held liable for any financial, legal, personal or other losses occurred.